Are you prepared for the transition when your children leave home? Katrina Session, Certified Professional Coach, shares her experience and expertise. She has valuable tips to help make that transition as smooth as possible. Check out her website or find her on LinkedIn.
Emmalou Penrod 0:00
I’m talking to Katrina Session today. She is a Certified Professional Coach. And she has developed an amazing program for parents as they enter that empty nest stage. Katrina, welcome.
Katrina Session 0:17
Thank you, Emmalou. I appreciate you having me on your show.
Emmalou Penrod 0:21
You know, this is an interesting niche. I really see the demand for it, the need for it. And how did you come to be a coach for empty nesters?
Katrina Session 0:34
Well, I started out, I’ve been coaching for about 10 years, and I used to coach wives. And in last fall, when my life changed when I went through a transition, I happened upon this area. So I was previously a mom who had a son who was three sporter. So very busy, night and day. So I was a football mom, a basketball mom, a track and field mom. And then to top that all off a homeschool mom. So there wasn’t too much time. But then when my son started to commute to college, I lost all those communities. So my schedule became pretty much empty. And I found myself home alone for up to 12 hours a day, my husband is working, my daughter is working and her activities, my son’s at school, and he’s an athlete. So he’s at practice, and then he has homework. So I had to really make some adjustments. And luckily, I believe in coaching and I had a coach as well, though. I started to take a deep dive into looking at myself,
Emmalou Penrod 1:56
You know, that is a huge transition. Yeah, it’s one of those, like, if you lose a spouse, or go through a divorce, or lose your job, or even start a new job. What’s going to happen? And yet, how often do parents prepare for that?
Katrina Session 2:17
Right? Because, you know, after you’ve spent anywhere from 18 to 40 years, depending on how many children you have, doing this one thing, and all of your efforts and energy are into making sure the child is able to go to college or the military or a career, whatever it is, and you’re done. And then it’s like, What now?
Emmalou Penrod 2:41
And you said an interesting word. You said community. So as you were supporting your son, you were part of this football mom’s community, right? And you have all these, and that’s probably your social life.
Katrina Session 2:56
Yeah, absolutely.
Emmalou Penrod 2:57
And if you don’t have anything else, all of a sudden, you’re all alone.
Katrina Session 3:03
That’s true. Because college is not the same. They don’t have those kind of communities for parents. And so that’s it. There’s kind of like, Uh-Oh!
Emmalou Penrod 3:14
Yeah, and even though, we’re raising our children to become independent adults, we’re celebrating as we see them taking these steps and building a life for themselves. But if we don’t have a plan to get us through that transition. So what did you find to be helpful?
Katrina Session 3:35
First of all, admit that you feel purposeless, feel empty, you feel lonely, and you are missing your connection. And I think that’s the biggest issue with empty nesters is because we’re told to hide it and not deal with it. So I think that’s what helped me is that yes, I realized that I was feeling lonely after there’s only so much housework and, and cooking and cleaning you can do in a 12 hour period every day. So I think that helps.
Emmalou Penrod 4:08
So first of all you need to recognize what’s happening.
Katrina Session 4:11
Yes, absolutely. And then you need to grieve the loss. Like you were saying, it is the loss of the life that you’ve known. And it could be all kinds of different areas, but definitely the loss of life you knew.
Emmalou Penrod 4:28
Yes, indeed. And it sounds like you fill the void.
Katrina Session 4:36
Yeah, I do. Absolutely. And so I’m able to speak with people and ask questions. And we’ve come up with a program because, of course, coaching is client focused. And so I do have programs and it’s based on the client and we develop priorities based on their pain points, what they want to solve. And so we come up with solutions and then put together an action plan.
Emmalou Penrod 5:08
That sounds like it is very helpful. So you’re not only providing that support as they go through that transition, but coming up with a concrete action plan. Then they move on, and now they’ve got their own life.
Katrina Session 5:26
That’s right. That’s true. And probably the biggest part of that is having an action plan, and also support, someone who has been there and knows how you feel and is there for you to help you through and not say, “Oh, you’re so silly. You shouldn’t be feeling that way.” I think that’s important.
Emmalou Penrod 5:50
Oh, I agree. I think if you’re trying to express your pain, your problem, and the other person has no sensitivity, then that’s just not helpful. That doesn’t make you feel better, it makes you feel even worse.
Katrina Session 6:07
It does, because there is a loss of identity. You know, for me, my son’s name is David. So I’ve been David’s mom for 18 years. And all of a sudden, when you’re introducing yourself, you can’t say “Hi, I’m David’s Mom.” I have to say, “Hi, I’m Katrina.” And I have to learn how to be okay with that. And, of course, that takes some time. So that’s where I come in, you have to figure out what you like again, because everything was centered around the kids. Like, well, I can go to any restaurant I like, which one do I want to go to?
Emmalou Penrod 6:48
Yeah, that’s true. That’s true. And I’m thinking it could even play into your relationship with your significant other, if there’s this sudden change. How do you now relate to each other, if it isn’t just talking about how the kids are doing?
Katrina Session 7:08
Exactly! They’ve been the center of attention all that time. And so again, you have to have systems in place and plan that when they are gone. What are we going to do? We have to figure out how to like each other again, and enjoy each other again. You need to come up with things that the two of you can do, as opposed to however many kids you had the three of you, the four of you, the five of you. So it’s different. You have to shop differently. All those things that we don’t think about. We are used to coming out with carts and carts of food. And all of a sudden, it’s just the two of you, so, absolutely.
Emmalou Penrod 7:48
Well, it sounds like you’re taking a look at the whole big picture. You were mentioning, you find out what their interests are, what they can find is their new identity, their relationships and everything. And as with any transition, you’re much wiser to do this ahead of time than waiting till you’re in the middle of it, right?
Katrina Session 8:14
Yeah. But you know, the problem is that you’re so into getting your child to that next level, you don’t think about yourself. So that’s the other thing that we work on is self-care. Now that the children are gone, you need to take care of yourself. We can neglect ourselves during that time.
Emmalou Penrod 8:34
Oh, I think most parents do. I’m sure. So when is the best time? When do you like to start working with them? Do you work with individuals or couples or both?
Katrina Session 8:48
I work with individuals.
Emmalou Penrod 8:50
Okay. You work with individuals, when is the optimum time for them to contact you?
Katrina Session 8:59
Well, there are two times. The first time is when you’re realizing that your child is a senior. And you’re saying goodbye to a lot of things, you know, the last football season, the last theater season, whatever it may be, and you’re feeling a little sad, that would be a good time to reach out. And then the second time is when the kids have left and you have not been able to identify different activities for yourself and you’re staying home too much, not interacting with your friends. That’s the time definitely to reach out.
Emmalou Penrod 9:39
When you’re starting to feel that this house is really feeling empty. My life is feeling empty. What am I going to do today? Wow. And it sounds like you don’t have any blanket recommendations to make. You really personalize this.
Katrina Session 9:58
Yes, I do. personalize it.
Emmalou Penrod 10:00
One size doesn’t fit all.
Katrina Session 10:02
One size doesn’t fit all. But the main thing is, when you are feeling that way, you need to get out of the house.
Emmalou Penrod 10:09
Oh, I like that. Yeah, big tip. Tip number one get out of the house. Now why is that so important?
Katrina Session 10:17
Because what happens is you start going down memory lane. And somehow you end up in their room. You think about how cute they were when they were little or all the fun that you had in their senior year. And now they’re gone. You don’t know what they’re doing. They may or may not talk to you as often as you’d like. So yeah, it can lead to sadness. So if you get out of the house, and hear children laughing and hear people interacting, it will lift your spirits and hopefully clear your head, so you can think about, “Oh, I like to do that.”
Emmalou Penrod 10:58
Oh, that is excellent. I love that. I remember when my daughter moved out. And while I was at work, she came home and cleaned out her room. And so when I got home from work and stepped in, here is this completely cleaned, not a hair pin left room. And I remember just standing there and crying. Like you said, I had to get out of there. Fortunately, I was working, so that helped. But I can imagine if you were home all day. Ah, that would have been horrid.
Katrina Session 11:38
Yes, absolutely.
Emmalou Penrod 11:42
So this is valuable to know. And again, this is part of becoming a parent, watching them leave. So how do people contact you?
Katrina Session 11:57
The best way to contact me is through my website, https://inyourimagelifecoaching.com/ And I’m also on LinkedIn. Katrina Session. And probably my another tip I will give is, be sure to make plans for yourself and have a schedule. Don’t just get up in the mornings with nothing planned.
Emmalou Penrod 12:28
That sounds excellent. That actually sounds like an excellent suggestion for anyone who’s feeling in any way down or depressed. Actually it’s a good idea right now. We’re in shutdown. Have a plan, make a plan. Have a schedule. I love it.
Katrina Session 12:56
Yeah, absolutely. And I just thought of something, Emmalou. If you do have a 12th grader, to start trying to turn over some of the responsibilities to them. So maybe teaching them finances, teaching them how because we’ve been doing it for them, of course, how to take care of business, how to interface with adults, because there’s a lot of applications and things they will have to fill out. And you won’t be there to do it for them.
Emmalou Penrod 13:26
Ooh, that’s going to help your child as well as the parent. Yes. Excellent. So start that transition. Make it as smooth as possible. I remember when I was in college, I had some roommates who had never even cleaned the floor before, never made their bed. And that’s hard. And others who had been doing it for years. Do your child a favor, help prepare them for independent adulthood. And yourself.
Katrina Session 14:04
Mm hmm. Yeah, I have many more tips, but contact me for more information. And remember, just because your nest is empty doesn’t mean you have to be.
Emmalou Penrod 14:16
Oh, I love that. I love that. Okay, well, Katrina, thank you so much.
Katrina Session 14:25
Thank you, Emmalou.
Emmalou Penrod 14:26
You have a great day.
Katrina Session 14:28
Thank you. You too.