Family challenges come in many forms. They can range from the minor, daily irritations of sharing the same space and parental attention, to more serious issues like making the family income last through the month, divorce, a change in location, or the death of a loved one. Whether it’s working out a solution to sharing a bathroom or adjusting to moving the family home across the country, regular, consistent use of family meetings can help you overcome challenges.
When families have established a structure for conflict resolution, they have the tools in place to tackle more serious issues. It also helps if skills for handling family challenges have been taught, modeled and practiced. For example, take some time to coach family members on communicating with “I” statements and objectivity. “I feel stressed when I have to wait 10 minutes to use the bathroom.” is much more conducive to problem solving than, “She’s always hogging the bathroom!” It is natural for people to become defensive when they feel they are being attacked. Demonstrate for your family how problems can be discussed without accusing or blaming others. This is best accomplished when children hear adults take ownership for mistakes they have made and apologize to each other. It is beneficial for children to see their parents handle a disagreement while considering the needs of both parties and finding a solution that is mutually agreeable. Click here for an example. The more children witness adults overcoming family challenges, the more likely they will develop those skills as well.
When the painful issues arise, it will be essential to allow each member to express their feelings. It may take time to arrive at a decision that works for everyone. Be open to ideas presented by family members even if they are initially repugnant. Every idea should be considered, advantages and disadvantages discussed, objectively evaluated and then the best ones selectively accepted. Some decisions will not be reached in one meeting. In many cases it may be best to table an idea until a later time, when more information can be gathered. If emotions are running high, it might be best to take a break to defuse the situation before you continue the discussion. Accept that the solution may be a process. Persevere. There is no family challenge that can’t be overcome with love and teamwork.