Gifts
Parents enjoy giving their children gifts–birthday, Christmas, other special occasions or no occasion at all. Parents want their children to be happy. Gifts can be practical or frivolous, expected or a complete surprise, tangible or intangible. What is the most important gift a parent can give their child?
The most important things in life aren’t things. Think of your own childhood. Do you remember all of the gifts you got at Christmas? What about the furniture in your house? The toys you played with? How well do you remember them? Now think of the family vacations, the time you spent with your parents, the things you talked about. These memories are not always positive, but for most people, they are much more vivid than the possessions. You learned lessons that are still part of your life. You are more likely to remember the time your parents spent with you than the tangible gifts they gave you.
Time
Your time is a priceless gift for your children. It teaches them that they are valuable to you. Time is more precious than money. You can increase your income, but not the number of hours in a day. Spending time with your children not only teaches them that you love and value them, but also affords the opportunity to teach many other valuable lessons as well.
Value of Work
When you give your children the gift of your time, you can teach them about work and why it is important. Toddlers will naturally want to be with you and do what you’re doing. This can be annoying when you’re trying to get something done, but stick it out. Explain to them what you are doing and why you are doing it. Point out to them how much better the house looks after the floors are cleaned and the clutter is organized. Tell them why you wash dishes and show them how to load the dishwasher or stack the plates.
Reinforce their positive feelings about completing a task. Teach them they are strong and capable by gradually letting them take over an assignment when they have demonstrated competence. Let them feel that they are a valuable member of the family, contributing to maintaining the home.
Responsibility
Take time to teach them about their emotions and how to manage them. Take time to listen to them. Give them the most important gift of learning to take responsibility for their own life. Teach them to create their own happiness by setting and meeting goals and by serving others. Teach them how to be successful in all areas of their life.
There are many ways you can teach them, always with love and kindness. The most effective way to teach is by your example. Do they hear you apologize when you have made a mistake? And then do they see you make a change in your behavior? Do they hear you take responsibility for what happens in your life instead of blaming someone else?
Take advantage of teaching moments, such as when you get a speeding ticket or forgot to do something, to demonstrate and explain how you will correct the problem and change your behavior moving forward. Let them see that mistakes can be corrected and improvement made. When there is a misunderstanding, demonstrate how to improve communication and get past hurt feelings. Show them how to clearly and calmly express what you need or expect.
Stress Management
If you are not yet able to face stressful situations with physical relaxation, emotional calm and mental problem solving skills, be honest with your children. Let them know you are working on it, encourage them to do the same, and enlist their support in reaching a common goal. It’s something the whole family can work on together with love and acceptance that everyone is doing the best they can.
I did not have this level of skill in managing my stress when I raised my children. I would make a firm resolve everyday that I would not lose my temper. I discovered years later that, by phrasing my goal in that way, I was actually focusing on losing my temper. And I did. Every. Day. Fortunately, I was able to improve with age and by learning some personal development techniques. If you have any questions about teaching your children, emotional regulation, or stress management, please comment below.