We set goals and make plans to ensure that we lead a full and purposeful life. Many people set a goal to become a parent. There can be a number of reasons why this decision is made. Maybe they feel it is their responsibility and what is expected of them. Some may have happy memories of their own parents and want to continue those satisfying relationships. Others may have unhappy memories of growing up and want to make a better life for the next generation. Some people feel that they didn’t make the choice and parenthood arrived unexpectedly. Whatever the circumstances are, becoming a parent is life-altering.
Parenthood was an easy decision for me. I had grown up in a large happy family and I knew I liked children. I marred a man who also liked children and we talked about becoming parents before we married. Parenthood was one of the goals we set. When I found out I was pregnant for the first time, I was so excited! My husband was at work and this was in the time before cell phones. I decided to bake a cake for him and decorate it with the words, “Congratulations, Daddy!” When I presented it to him later that day, I was disappointed with his subdued response. A few days later a friend asked me if we were expecting. I was surprised at the question because we hadn’t made any announcements and asked her how she knew. She told me she had observed my husband at the store looking at baby toys. I was delighted to know that, even if he wasn’t as expressive as I was, my husband was just as excited.
Throughout my pregnancy, I reflected often on the responsibility of parenthood. I wanted to be the best mother in the world for this child! I realized I would need to change several bad habits so I could be the kind of parent I wanted to be. As my pregnancy drew to a close, I felt badly that I hadn’t made as much progress in self-improvement as I had planned. Then I realized that all I could do was my best effort. I could continue to work to become the best parent possible; so I read books, watched other parents I admired, and learned all I could.
I will never forget the thrill of holding my son for the first time. All of the pain and discomfort of the pregnancy, labor and delivery were forgotten as I gazed at his face and perfect little body. He was a miracle and, what’s more, he was our miracle. I immediately loved him with all my heart. He was born with large hands and feet and my mother predicted that he would grow to be a big man and do many great things. I wanted more than anything to provide him with the best childhood possible. I wanted him to have enriching experiences, learn all about the world around him and how valuable he was. I wanted to be the perfect parent for him even though I was an imperfect person.
My biggest concern was my temper. I became frustrated and angry all too easily. This was especially a challenge as our family grew. I would set a firm resolve that for at least one day I would remain calm and serene. As accurately as I can recall, I didn’t meet that goal until my children were grown. I never gave up on my goal, and learned to forgive myself when progress did not come as quickly as I wanted. Every night I would go to bed with the resolve to do better the next day. I would celebrate when I could make it until noon. For me, the greatest gift of being a parent is that it has motivated me to become the best person I can be. That thrill of love as you hold your child and form a bond that will last a lifetime is difficult to describe, but definitely worth the stress, pain, inconvenience, and expense.