Raising Children With Special Needs

Parenthood brings many challenges.  Most first time parents find changes taking place almost immediately, changes in their sleep patterns, budget, social life and schedule.  As recorded in the U. S. Department of Agriculture’s “Expenditures on Children by Families, 2015,” the annual cost of providing a child with food, shelter and other necessities is $12,980 for a total cost of $233,610 for 18 years.  This does not include the cost of a college education. 

Then there is the impact on social life and free time.  Most parents find that their circle of friends shifts from other adults without children to limited time with other parents.  And the amount of their leisure time usually decreases dramatically. Much of this can be attributed to a natural interest in your child and is not necessarily resented.  However, if both parents are not on the same page with how much time is appropriate to shift to the new addition to the family, becoming parents can introduce a new source of stress and conflict in their relationship.

All of these changes are increased when you become the parent of a child with special needs.  Add to the cost of basic care the medical expenses of any procedures required and medication. Depending on the disability,financial obligations can also include therapy–speech, occupational, behavioral, and life skills–as well as additional equipment needed for the home.  The annual cost of $12,980 can easily be quadrupled by some accounts.

What about the impact on social life and free time?  Having a child with special needs can greatly alter your circle of friends.  Many parents decide to quit their jobs to provide the full time care that is required.  Eight hours of sleep per night becomes a fond memory. Parenting a child with special needs takes a toll on a marriage, too.  The divorce rate is much higher for families of children with special needs. It can range from 10-20% higher depending on the disability, the number of children in the family and how long the couple has been married.

Raising a child with special needs can add more stress to a parent’s life than most people can understand.  Parents of any child are familiar with the tantrums, developmental stages, and 24/7 on call status that comes with raising children.  Raising a child with a disability magnifies all of that and can leave parents feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and stretched beyond their limit.  And on top of that, they face social rejection when their child acts out in public. They are judged by strangers who have no concept of what they are dealing with.

It has been said that a worried mother does better research than the FBI.  This is true for all parents and especially for those with special needs children, who usually begin their research as soon as the diagnosis has been made.  There are plenty of resources, including other parents whose children have a similar diagnosis. Also, there are many universities and agencies conducting research studies that can provide useful information for parents.  Supporting professionals can also answer questions and make recommendations.

If you are the parent of a child with special needs, seek out the information and support you need.  The challenges of raising a child with a disability are great, but so are the rewards. The team approach is always the best one.  Surround yourself with people who can provide the positive energy you need. The best place to start is a parent support group. Find one locally or online.  Educate neighbors and extended family members on your child’s needs and how they can help you. Pray, meditate, call on your higher power to sustain you, and trust that help will come, maybe not in a form you expected, but it will come.

If you know parents of children with special needs, find ways to encourage and support them.  Remember that they are doing the best they can. Sometimes it helps just to see a friendly face and hear a kind word.  Take the time and effort to learn how to care for their children so you can provide the parents with some needed personal time.  Be a listening ear while they tell you of their struggles and help them see the light at the end of the tunnel. There is hope. Parents are learning how to deal with the stress and how to help their children.

Raising a child with a disability is one of the most difficult challenges you will deal with in life, but it can also be the most rewarding.  You learn to appreciate every inch of progress. Seemingly small advances are cause for celebration. The more you serve your child, the deeper your love grows.  It can become your greatest success.