What Do You Want Your Children to Remember?

Welcome to In Support of Families.  This is Emmalou Penrod. Have you seen the movie, “Coco?”  I highly recommend it. We watched it live streaming on Amazon and I’m sure it’s available in other mediums as well.  This is a precious movie about family. A key theme throughout this movie is “Remember.” What are some of the things you want your children to remember?  In “Coco” heritage and family are a rich element woven throughout the movie. We want to teach children who they are, their identity. As they hear stories of their ancestors and other people from their heritage, they learn resilience.  Maybe they have to move to a new school or attend a new school for the first time, and they’re very anxious about that. They hear stories of their ancestors who also had to make major life changes and how they overcame that challenge, how they were able to deal with that and get through it, how they were able to pull together and support each other.  They gain confidence that they can also overcome their challenges, just as their ancestors did. They also learn stories from their heritage, values, what is important, and why it’s important. There is a lot of value in teaching children about their heritage, knowing not only who their ancestors are, but the stories about their lives, why they mattered, and what we can learn from them.  We not only learn from the positive qualities of others; sometimes we learn from their mistakes, not to judge them or make fun of them, but just to know not to repeat the mistake. There is value in that lesson as well. We also want our children to remember how they fit in, how they belong. We want them to remember that they’re accepted, that it’s okay to have individual differences within a family.

The protagonist in the movie initially thought that there was a major conflict between his family and his personal goals.  He felt that he would have to choose one over the other. Do our children know and do they remember that they don’t have to make that choice?  Do they know that a family can be big enough to support the individual goals of each member? I think there’s a real danger in comparing siblings even if we’re trying to use positive labels like, “She’s the pretty one.  She’s the smart one. She’s the socially outgoing one.” Because inevitably our child will think, “If my sister has been labeled the pretty one, then what does that make me?” I suggest that we want our children to remember that they are loved, that they’re valued, that they have something to offer, a contribution to make, that they have a great potential.

Another value of learning about their ancestors is that children get a glimpse of what they can become.  Maybe great-grandmother struggled with feelings of being slow and not being able to keep up with her siblings, but was able to find her own strength, her own talents, and realise her own value.  We definitely want our children to remember their potential, what they are able to become, and what they’re able to contribute to the family and to society. And I think we also want our children to remember that it is possible to change.  In the movie, the family is able to change a tradition that was decades old. When they began to see the fallacy, the mistakes with this tradition, they were able to change it. They were able to grow and that’s another valuable lesson for our children to remember.  There is always room and potential for growth, for learning, for improving. Life is certainly not stagnant. As the saying goes, “There’s always room for improvement. It’s the largest room in the house!”

I urge you, if you haven’t already, to take the time to watch this movie with your family.  Take time to discuss it. What lessons can you learn from this movie? What lessons do you want to teach your children?  What do you want them to remember? Above all, I am sure you want your children to always remember that they are loved, in spite of any mistakes they may make, any difficulties they may encounter.  They are loved and valued; and they have something to contribute. This is Emmalou Penrod hoping you have a great day!