One of the most valuable family traditions my parents taught me was the example of their marriage, especially in their method of resolving conflict. My parents had been married for 14 years when I was born and by the time I was old enough to pay attention to their relationship, they had been married about 25 years. They may have struggled to get along at first, but they had worked out a very effective system of communication by then. They had a loving and affectionate relationship and had established several family traditions in our home. We held family meetings. Daily family prayer and church attendance were part of our routine. We ate meals at regular times, we each had chores to do around the house and designated places for us to keep our belongings.
This habit of having a place for everything and everything in its place led to one of the rare disagreements that I witnessed between my parents. My dad would come home from work and change from his business attire to work clothes more appropriate for doing yard work. He would stop by the mantel in the living-room and empty his pockets before going upstairs to change. My mother, who liked to keep a tidy house, would immediately swoop in and gather up his keys, wallet and handkerchief to take upstairs to their bedroom where she felt they should be kept. My dad would object and point out that he wanted those items to be kept handy so he could put them back in his pockets before leaving for work the next day. He would use his role as the family breadwinner as justification for arranging the household for his convenience. My mother would use her role as the homemaker as justification for keeping the house as she saw fit.
It was an interesting exchange and I remember finding it more entertaining than watching TV. I would be sure to be in the living-room every day when my father came home from work. They never raised their voices. They never really expressed anger or animosity. It was more like a game of tennis. Each would take their turn serving their best shot. The other would listen politely and return the ball. Both of them had valid points, I could see that each of them was right and wondered how this problem could ever be resolved. However, in time it was resolved when the needs of both could be met.
Mom bought some decorative wooden dishes to put on top of the mantel. This satisfied her need for neatness and my dad’s need for convenience. It was a fascinating example of respectfully resolving conflict. It was a family tradition I knew I wanted to keep and pass on to my children. What family traditions did you learn from your parents? Please share them in the comments below.