Do you sometimes wish you could tidy up your child’s mind like you can their bedroom? We know our children have an easier time finding their belongings and getting ready for school or any other activity when their room is free of clutter. Have you ever wondered if their thinking could improve with some decluttering? Are there thought patterns you would like to see eliminated?
Our thoughts create our emotions which in turn lead to our behavior. Consider this, getting a flat tire can be frustrating and stressful. Is it the flat tire that makes you angry? Or the thoughts you have about it? Angry thoughts lead to angry behavior. Happy thoughts lead to cooperative behavior. A positive frame of mind can make a huge difference. Obviously your child will need support in many forms and from a competent team of professionals. Autism, ADHD and other special needs require more than just a positive attitude.
Nurturing effective thinking is one of many tools you will need in your tool belt for raising a child with special needs. Is there a way to help children manage their thoughts? Your children will choose their thoughts just as you choose yours. However, we do have some degree of influence. Here are three steps you can take that will help.
Positive Self-Talk
Your child’s brain is like a computer, gathering and storing data. As a parent, you play a major role in programming that computer. It is human nature to want to fix things, including family members. We tend to point out their shortcomings. A steady diet of this kind of talk programs a child to believe that they are hopeless.
Does your child hear you talk about what they do right? Everyone has good qualities. It is difficult to recognize that when your child is having a meltdown or causing a disruption. You may need to make a conscious effort to catch them being good. Notice their strengths and draw attention to them. The way you talk to your children becomes their self-talk. Teach your child positive self-talk. They will be in a much stronger position to improve their behavior.
Human Interactions
Temple Grandin attributes her success as an adult with autism to her mother. Temple grew up in the 40’s and 50’s when very little was known about autism. Temple’s mother was told to have her daughter institutionalized since nothing could be done for her. Fortunately, this recommendation was ignored. Instead Eustacia implemented a program of speech therapy and social skills for Temple beginning at age 2. Eustacia persisted for years, with little to no response from her daughter, in teaching her to interact with other people. As an adult, Temple stated that she was able to complete college and have a successful career because her mother had taught her social skills.
It isn’t easy to talk to a child who appears to ignore you. Supportive friends and family members can help with this. Ask them to support you in modeling social skills and reinforcing positive interactions. Role play. Teach specific steps on how to join a conversation. Model it with another adult. Ask your child to role play with you. You will be preparing your child to interact more positively at school. And they will be better prepared to integrate with society as an adult.
Concept of Time
Does your child understand the concept of time? Whether it’s getting ready to go somewhere or completing an assignment, most children with special needs struggle with understanding time. They may feel like leaving in five minutes means starting to get ready in five minutes. They may overestimate time. For example, ten minutes of homework is forever. Sometimes they become frustrated when they feel like they don’t have enough time. Thirty minutes of computer time never feels like enough. They are convinced they spend more time on homework than playing video games.
An effective approach is to have a visual display. Help them see time. Use clocks and timers that are easy for your child to read and understand. Check out the example presented by Holly Blanc Moses on her website.
These ideas address how your child thinks. Next Tuesday my podcast with Dr. Knight is about another type of brain detox. Listen to it here.