Can your children teach you how to be an even better parent? Natiya McFadden would answer that with a “Yes!” She shares her experience and approach to parenting in this episode. Visit her website to listen to her podcast, see her books, and take advantage of her free offers.
Emmalou Penrod
Welcome to our series on coaches for parents. This is Emmalou Penrod. And today I have the honor of talking to Natiya McFadden. She is an educator, author, and the Family Made Mom. I love that title! I want to hear about that. Tell us how you became the Family Made Mom.
Natiya McFadden
Ah, becoming the family made mom was a, it was a challenge at first because it was all based on being this mother that I didn’t know what that was actually supposed to look like. You know, we all come from our different dynamics in our families. And while I had an amazing family background as a child, nobody in my house was doing any type of homeschooling. Nobody in my house was a stay at home mom who was building a business. So it was just kind of different for me. So being a family made mom was literally my family making me into a mother. And it was, I know at first it was, it was interesting, because it was a lot of touch and go out there like, “Oh my goodness, I think in the middle of this process, I might happen to just slightly lose my mind just a little bit.” But in the process, I learned how to be a mom who loves more, who laughs more, who adores more, who strengthens their child more. And I learned how to be in tune with my children. And that was something that I found to be a an enlightening force for me. When the more I was in tune with my children, it seemed like I could be a better parent to them, because each individual person had their own little footprint. And it helped me to not only be a help to my kids, but to also help other moms to understand their kids as well. A lot of parents were struggling with how do you I have this amount of kids or I have just this one. I don’t really understand my child. And it was being able to teach parents how to really get in there and understand your child, take the time just to breathe, mom, and be herself and not look at anybody else’s blueprint. Literally be who you are, every home has their own blueprint. And I found out that for Natiya McFadden, my blueprint didn’t look like everybody else’s. And I didn’t want it to either. I wanted to be able to be myself and raise my unique children because everyone’s children are unique. And it just birthed the family made mom.
Emmalou Penrod
They say children don’t come with instructions. But it goes far beyond that. And I absolutely love the way you express that. You are in tune to your children’s needs. And even if they had this excellent course on how to be a perfect mom, it isn’t going to work for you unless it works for your family. So you let your children teach you, you learn from them. I love it. That is so powerful. And you mentioned you help other mothers too. So tell me more about that.
Natiya McFadden
Absolutely helping. Helping mothers is kind of, helping mothers is really what pushed me into writing and just doing a lot more research. As a mom, I had a. . . My background is in education, in psychology. So I was already intrigued by the human brain. But these little human brains are so different. And what I really, really heard the hearts of moms, it was basically they were, a lot of parents seek to control their kids, but not helping them to understand the reason why we as parents tell them the things that we are telling them. Something that I would always tell the parents is nobody’s controlling us. Why do we need to control our kids? Your job is not to control. It’s actually to model. Our job as parents is simply to be like a tour guide. You’re just really guiding them through life. Your job is to be that awesome example, as awesome as you can be, helping them to understand that I might mess up, too. But even in me messing up, I want to show you that you can get back on this right path. And when parents had that relief that “Oh, I don’t have to control them?” No, you do have to direct them and you have to make sure that you are helping them to do things in the right way. But in all actuality, we will never be able to control our kids. And that’s what they respond to, they respond to our love.
Emmalou Penrod
They do. They respond to our love. And I can’t think of anything that is more frustrating and miserable than trying to control something that’s out of your control. The only person you can control is yourself. I love that you’re teaching them this. that their job. And I love that word model. Their role is not to control but to model to be the tour guide.
Natiya McFadden
Yeah, that’s my favorite term, you are a tour guide. You’re just guiding them through life, whichever stop they choose to make. They’re literally going to make that stop whether you want them to or not. They’re going to take every stop that they want to take. It’s just your love that actually helps guide them back into the right direction.
Emmalou Penrod
Exactly. Now, do you have any tools or methods you’d like to teach? Or do you work with? Do you have like a coaching program or. . . Well, you wrote a book, maybe let’s start with you’re an author, tell us about what you’ve written.
Natiya McFadden
I wrote a couple books, the first one being Help, I Am More Than Just a Wife. And that was pretty cool. But the meat and potatoes was really Help, I am More Than Just a Mom. Help on more than just a mom was just like, you see mom struggling. And sometimes it’s an unnecessary struggle only out of our ignorance. And I wanted to help. I see a lot of parents that were going into a depression over the things that their kids were going through. Because a lot of times us as parents, we think that we’re going through something all by ourselves, when in all reality, there’s so many other parents that are going through the exact same thing, and sometimes in the exact same way. And though the process doesn’t get any easier, because Sallie Mae or Joe was going through with you, it helps so much more to know that you’re not the only person going forward. And that there’s somebody else that can understand you and possibly help guide you through that part where it hurts really bad or even make you laugh, because I absolutely love to laugh. And I believe that sometimes taking that time to do that self care of laughing, taking a deep breath, and just being able to say, “Hey, this is where I’m at. But this is where I’m going. This is the strategy that I need.” And that’s what Help I’m More Than Just a Mom was. It was basically just a relief. Hey, I see where you’re at, I see where you may be hurting, you may be frustrated. But here is something that will just give you a little relief here and encourage you to let you know that you don’t have to stay there, you can actually get up from there. And there’s a strategy tailor-made, just for you and your home to help you get through it.
Emmalou Penrod
I love it. So can people find out more about your book on your website?
Natiya McFadden
Sure! They can go to thefamilymademom.com. And the books are there. The podcast is there. All of those free resources are there. The books, they’re not obviously free, but the podcast is and then there’s a blog as well. And they can always email me if they need to have any questions or concerns as well.
Emmalou Penrod
So tell me about your podcast. What information will they get from that?
Natiya McFadden
The podcast is a mixture of things. So the podcast just talks about as a mom, some of the things that you encounter, whether it’s your child dating, or how you feel as a mom, organizing your home and different things like that. Organizing your home was kind of fun for me doing the podcast just because I got a chance to actually show a lot of people that I was actually really organizing my home. I was really working on my landscaping and throwing things away. And a lot of my friends were like, “Are you really doing this?” And I was like, “Yes, let me send you some pictures so that you can see that I’m really doing some of these things here and not just doing a podcast.” My podcast is actually my life. So it was a lot of the things that I was going through and a lot of people that were reaching out to me saying, “Hey, can you talk about this because this is a struggle for me.” And I say “Oh, I can relate to that. I can relate to you feeling like you’re a failure or your child failing in school and you’re not really knowing how to do it when the pandemic hit.” A lot of parents were asking me what to do for homeschooling. So I created a homeschooling guide with a plethora of resources just to help them through it because I’ve been a homeschooling mom. And I understand that not every child has the same learning style. So the podcast is actually just a conglomerate of different subjects, topics that help moms, help them get through it and there’s even some things in there that help teens as well.
Emmalou Penrod
So you offer a lot of free resources on your website. I love that podcast. I was a homeschooling mom, too, back in the 80s and 90s.
Natiya McFadden
It doesn’t matter when we do it. The fact that we do it is a blessing to our kids.
Emmalou Penrod
I considered it an honor and a rare opportunity and I enjoyed it very much. I love that closeness, developing that closeness with your children, that connection. I think that’s what makes families stronger. So are there any other services you want to tell us about? I highly recommend that people go to your website, listen to your podcast.
Natiya McFadden
Absolutely! I do parent teen and family coaching as well. I absolutely love family. So anything that has to do with family and catering to the family model. Whether it’s helping a teen, because I was the no good, horrible teenager that somehow just turned out all right, Glory be to God. And I relate to teenagers very well. I have two teenagers myself. And that is something that I have made it my business to not only relate to them, but to others as well. So that teen coaching portion is something that I love doing. I actually am in the field of education for middle school and high schoolers as well. Teaching them morals, integrity character, how to understand and apply basic concepts, just to help people, help our teenagers get through life safely, without being self destructive, as well as parent coaching. Obviously, the family made mom just gave me that heart. For parents, whether it was the father, whether it was the mother, just helping them to understand that there’s somebody here that can help you, guide you through what you already know. A lot of times, as parents, we have an idea, but we don’t even know how to carry that thing through. And then as a family, we have a dynamic, but sometimes our eyes are so focused on what we see you whether a social social media or TV, we just need some help through that. So you can definitely reach me on the family made mom as well, if you needed some type of coaching for parent teen, or for family coaching as well.
Emmalou Penrod
I thoroughly, deeply appreciate your attitude about families. I feel that families are the foundation of society. And if we want to improve our world, make our societies healthier, we need to start with healthy, thriving families. Even if you grow up in a really successful family, it’s still a new experience for you. And a lot of people didn’t. They didn’t have the benefit of seeing effective parenting. But it doesn’t have to stay that way. The type of education and all these free resources you’re offering could help anyone learn how to improve themselves, how to become a better person. And then that makes you a better parent, learning how to be more effective, how to make family life fun.
Natiya McFadden
And that’s something that our teens love, yes.
Emmalou Penrod
And you were talking about some mistakes parents made. You know, besides trying to control our children, we try to make it too serious. Why not take time to play with your child? Just enjoy the time you have with them.
Natiya McFadden
Yeah. Yeah, that’s beautiful. That’s beautiful.
Emmalou Penrod
Natiya, thank you so much for your time and sharing all this and letting parents know what you have for free on your website and how they can contact you. Thank you so much for joining us.
Natiya McFadden
Absolutely. Thank you so much for having me. It’s an honor.
Emmalou Penrod
You have a great day.
Natiya McFadden
Thank you and you do the same.