Plagued by a bully in your life? Jeanie Cisco-Meth, public speaker, two time best selling author and coach, talks about how you can strengthen your child and yourself against bullying. Visit her website for information on her books, online courses and other services.
Emmalou Penrod
Welcome back. And today I’m talking to Jeannie Cisco-Meth, who is a friend, as well as a fellow coach. She is a professional speaker, mentor and two time best selling author. Jeannie, welcome.
Jeanie Cisco-Meth
Thank you Emmalou. It’s so good to be back. I appreciate it.
Emmalou Penrod
Yes, we had an interview, oh, a couple years ago, it was a while back. And I have always loved this concept of bully proofing. You and I were both teachers. We saw what went on. Tell us your story. What led you down this path?
Jeanie Cisco-Meth
Well, so I was a high school teacher for 17 years. And I worked at an alternative high, which meant I dealt with kids who were in gangs. And, you know, they just didn’t make very good decisions. And I remember one day I was standing at the door of my classroom, because I would greet the kids as they would come in. And, you know, we would talk, see how things were going. And one of those students was walking in, we’ll call him Tim. Tim was walking in. And another student said something, you know, kind of derogatory, it didn’t seem that bad to me. But Tim was just kind of devastated from it. He came in, he was so upset and so angry, so hurt. I was like, Wow. So I sat down with him for a little bit. And I talked with him and I’m like, wow, you know, Hey, what’s going on, and so that was in my mind. And then later that day, another student was walking down the hall coming to class, we’ll call him Shawn. And a student said something to him that I thought was horrendous. You know, I thought it was just absolutely horrible. And he wasn’t even fazed by it. And so I asked him, I said, “Hey, what’s going on?” Shawn said, “Oh, that guy’s just an idiot.” And that started an idea in my mind. And I started thinking, What’s the difference? Because I taught health, you know, so we talked about self esteem, we talked about decision making, we talked about goal setting in my health class, and I looked at that, and I went, what’s the difference. And so I started doing tons of research, reading tons of book taking classes. And I realized that personal value is the foundation upon which so much else is built. The second part is perspective. Shawn had the perspective of that kid was just an idiot, right? Whereas Tim had the perspective that that student meant more to him, then, you know, he allowed that student kind of to define who he was. So I started developing a class at that time that has now, years later, become the Bully Proofing You, Improving Confidence and Personal Value from the Inside Out. And I’ve had the privilege of traveling all over the world and sharing it with people. And I just love that because it starts with belief in self. It starts with confidence and personal value, and not allowing others to define who you are. You decide who you are, and then you act accordingly.
Emmalou Penrod
That’s true. And I love it and how empowering that is, when you don’t let other people to define you.
Jeanie Cisco-Meth
Yeah, I decide, right? I decide. I’ll do an exercise a lot in my events where we put labels on. And it’s labels that other people put on me, one of the labels that was attached to me for a long time was stupid. In elementary school, they told me I was too stupid. I would never make it. I had so many learning disabilities. It was a struggle. School is such a struggle for me. And so I carried that label, I allowed them to put it on me, first of all. And then second of all, I carried that label. And when I developed my program in school that I was talking about, people started telling me you need to reach more people. This program saves lives. You need to write a book. You need to share it with more people. And so I’m like, “Okay, I’ll write a book.” And I sat down at my computer and those voices, “You’re too stupid. You’ll never make it.” It’s not, you know, would just hound me. And finally, one day, I was like, “Stop, just stop.” And I started thinking, and I’m like, “Okay, wait a minute. If I was the only person who didn’t know how to spell, they wouldn’t have invented spellcheck.” And that was a huge realization for me, because then I wasn’t alone. Right? I’m not the only one. So I realized, hey, they have spellcheck. I’m going to do the best I can. And then I’ll get an editor. And by the grace of God, that first book became a best seller, and it has helped thousands of people all around the world. And I feel so blessed. And I remember sitting down going, “Okay, if I can help just one person. If I can save one life, you know, hopefully more but if I can save one life, this pain this struggle, this difficulty is worth it.” And luckily, we’ve been able, we’ve been very blessed to be able to save more than that. And thank goodness, I learned how to build my courage muscle, right?
Emmalou Penrod
We all need to do that. Now tell us about your books. I know I’ve read the first one, but tell us about it. Tell us the title, how can people get a copy?
Jeanie Cisco-Meth
Okay, so it’s called Bully Proofing You, Improving Confidence and Personal Value from the Inside Out. And you can go to bullyproofingyoubook.com. And there’s a whole home study course there. There’s videos that nobody else has access to, only you. There’s one for parents, there’s one for teens. There’s a video for each chapter of the book. There’s a workbook, because I really want people to be bullyproof. You know, you start that program, insecure, unsure, you know, low self esteem or low confidence. And by the end of that course, you’re going to know how to build your courage muscle. You’re going to know how to build your confidence, how to make decisions that impact you for the better and impact your family, maybe your friends, your brother, your sister, mom or dad. And so by the end of that you absolutely will be bully proof.
Emmalou Penrod
And we tend to think of bullying as something that’s limited to schools, but it isn’t. It happens in the workplace. Teenagers aren’t the only ones who feel insecure. What a loss to be 45 years old, and still allowing other people to define you.
Jeanie Cisco-Meth
Yeah, absolutely. And that’s where my third book is coming from. And the working title is called Taming the Bully Between Your Ears. Because so often, the people outside of us impact us so profoundly, because we’re already saying it to ourselves. You know, I’ve met people all over the world that will say things to themselves, that they would never think or dream, they would never dream of saying to someone else. Yeah, you know, if your friend came to you and was saying horrible things to themselves, you won’t agree with him. You would stop, you would say, “No, stop that. No, no, no.” And you would help them rephrase. But yet we’ll sit at our desk, or we’ll sit, you know, in our car, or whatever it is in our cubicle in our office and say horrible things to ourselves. Yep. And it’s time to stop that.
Emmalou Penrod
I agree. Now, you mentioned a first book and a third book,
Jeanie Cisco-Meth
My second book is called The Change. Well, it’s part of an anthology. So after my first book became a bestseller, I got a phone call from Jim Britt, who helped launch Chicken Soup for the Soul. And then he says, “Hey, we’re launching a new book series. Would you like to be an author?” And I was like, “Absolutely. Sign me up!” And so that’s my second book.
Emmalou Penrod
Wonderful. So in addition to your books, and it sounds like you have an entire online course that goes with the book. And you offer individual coaching as well?
Jeanie Cisco-Meth
I do, yeah, I’m a mentor. And I also have a group coaching program. And it’s really about, you know, so that the type of people that come to me are people that are finding themselves discouraged, or disgruntled or unsure of what they’re doing. They feel called to a bigger purpose, or they want to reach more people, but they’re a little bit afraid, or they find themselves holding back. Because what will someone else think? or What will my husband think? What will my spouse think, you know, and so that those people come to me, and I help them learn how to tame that bully, so that they can move forward into the life that they truly want to live.
Emmalou Penrod
Now, how does this, this is In Support of Families, but it’s not only about parents helping their child through those very tender teenage years where they’re so susceptible, so vulnerable. But I think even within the family, I think parents need to be careful about the things that are saying to their children. Children are very literal. You may think that you’re joking, and people know you don’t mean it, but they will take you at your word, and nonverbal cues. So how can a family implement these concepts?
Jeanie Cisco-Meth
Beautiful, so I know that hurt people hurt people. And I’ve seen it in my own life. I’ve seen it in my family. You know, just the other day. I was really struggling to have to tame my bully. That’s why I teach this, because I have a bully. And the other day I had gotten a really very stressful say phone call. And I was really stressed and I was, you know, and then my daughter said something and I wanted to just lash out and I’m like, whoa, hold on. Hold on. So I said, “Hang on, I need a minute.” And I had to take a moment and take care of my pain, so that I didn’t lash out and cause her pain. And then she lashes out and causes her brother pain. And then he lashes out, right. And it’s just this horrible cycle. And so as a family member, as the mother, as a leader in my family, I have got to manage my pain. And I talk about a write and burn, because I love to burn things up. And so I’ll grab a piece of paper and I’ll write, I’m frustrated, or I’m hurt, or I’m embarrassed, or I’m angry. And I just write all that junk down that icky stuff that’s going on inside my head, you know, you’re stupid, you’re an idiot, you made a mistake here, you screwed up there, so and so said such and such, you know, and I just write it down. And sometimes I’m so emotional. And I’m so upset that it you can’t even read it. I just scribble on the paper, and I just dump on that paper. And then once I get that all out, and I can kind of feel it. You know, sometimes it’s a page, sometimes it’s 10 pages. But I get that all out. And then it’s just I can feel it. It’s like this cleansing. Wow, that feels so much better. And then I take that paper and I go out on my back porch, and I burn it. And I get rid of it. And I watch the smoke go up. And I imagine the Lord taking it and just saying, “Okay, I’m here, I’m here for you. And let’s get rid of this. And let’s heal this.” Because just as much that I know hurt people hurt people, healed people heal people. So if I can take that moment to heal my pain, then First of all, I don’t pass it on to anybody else. But then when my daughter comes to me and says, mom, so and so said, or so and so did the next day, okay, let’s look at this, let’s process this. And then it doesn’t continue to pass and escalate. Because when emotions are high intelligence is low. And I don’t make good decisions. So if I can pull that emotion off, I can then make good decisions. Because good decisions can snowball, just like bad decisions can snowball, but I don’t want bad decisions to snowball. I want good decisions to snowball. So I pull that emotion off. So I can think clearly and I can plan and process properly.
Emmalou Penrod
I loved what you said about getting it out, you’re getting it and you know when you’re done, you keep writing until you can feel it’s all out and then you burn it.
Jeanie Cisco-Meth
Now some people, when I first start this process with some people that are afraid that if they get started, they’ll never stop. So what I recommend in those situations, set a timer, you know, set a timer on your phone, set a timer on the stove, whatever, but set a timer and start with, say 15 minutes, or maybe 10 minutes and just say for 10 minutes, I’m just going to write because when you’re first starting, you’ve got a lot that you’ve just packed in. You’ve just smashed it in, packed it in, packed it in, packed and pushed it down. You know, don’t feel that, ignore that, don’t pay attention to that. And we just have all of this stuff. And so sometimes when it starts coming out, it can be a little bit scary. And so don’t be afraid of that. You’ve learned how to push it down for years. And so don’t be afraid of it coming out and not be able to stop it, you’re totally okay, you’ve stopped it before you can stop it again. So allow yourself for 10, 15, 20 minutes, whatever it is to just write, and then do that every day for a few weeks. Then you’ll be caught up. Then you can do it once a day, you know, for a little bit and then you’re good to go.
Emmalou Penrod
That really makes a lot of sense. I’m thinking of that poem, Tam O’Shanty. I think it was written by Robert Burns. But there’s one line in it describing a woman as “nursing her wrath to keep it warm.” And sometimes I think we hold on to it, rather than doing what you recommend. Get it out. Get it on paper, get the emotion down. So the intelligence goes up. And you’ll be a better parent.
Jeanie Cisco-Meth
Yeah. Yeah. And it’s, you know, I have a person that lives in my neighborhood that I was interacting with the other day. And he mentioned to me that, “I like my anger. It helps, it fuels my fire.” And I said, “Okay, but I bet there’s a better way, right?” Some people are in the habit of being angry, or some people are in the habit of being depressed or being upset, and I can hear people say, “No, I’m not.” Maybe you are. But take a moment and start writing all the things that you’re grateful for. If it feels awkward, you’re in the habit of being grumpy. If it’s difficult to do, you’re in the habit of being angry. And so if you want to prove me wrong, if you want to say, “No, Jeanie emotions aren’t a habit.” Awesome! Prove me wrong. Grab a piece of paper and start writing all the things you’re grateful for. And if they flow easily, you’re right, you’re not in the habit of grumpy. But if they don’t flow, I highly recommend you do the write and burn. And then you do the write and keep. The write and keep is the gratitude. I’m so thankful that, I’m so grateful for, I’m so blessed, because. Write it out, and you will see your life start to change. You’ll have more energy. You’ll have more connectedness in your relationships. You will probably even get a raise at work. I’ve seen that many times with my clients. I’m like, “If you want to earn more money, you need to bring more energy, because everything is energy.” And if I’m angry and depressed, yeah, there’s a certain amount of energy there. But happy, satisfied, excited, healed. Those are much higher vibrations, which means I bring more energy, which means people want me around and I can be compensated more.
Emmalou Penrod
Some of these emotions–anger, depression–they drain us. They take energy. And I have heard that about some people become addicted to anger because they feel that adrenaline rush. They feel like the Incredible Hulk. But it isn’t. It’s not long lasting. And it doesn’t strengthen relationships. If anything, it pushes people away,
Jeanie Cisco-Meth
Right, yeah. Because nobody wants to be around somebody who is grumpy and hurt all the time. Yep, you know, at first, you may get some attention because people want to help you. They want to support you. But that shifts quickly. And people get tired of it. And they get tired of you lashing out at them. They get tired of being blamed for things. And so I recommend a shift. Just try it. I mean, you can always go back to being grumpy. You can always go back to being angry. But try something new. You know, your comfort zone can become your containment zone.
Emmalou Penrod
Oh, yeah.
Jeanie Cisco-Meth
And what you need to do is stretch it to see what else is out there. Drive a different way to work, meet somebody new, talk to somebody in the checkout line. You know, introduce yourself, do something different than what you’ve done before and see how your life changes.
Emmalou Penrod
Good advice. I love it. So Jeannie what’s the best way for people to contact you? You said your website.
Jeanie Cisco-Meth
Yeah, bully proofing you book dot com, and you can get the whole home study course there. You can also reach out to me Jeanie@Jeanieciscometh.com. There’s no hyphen in my email. And it is spelled just like computers and drugs. So I’m the only Cisco-Meth on the internet. I’m really easy to find. Just reach out to me and say, “Hey, I heard you on Emmalou’s podcast. I’d love to connect.” And as a special thanks to you and your listeners, I’d love to give them a 60 minute consultation. And so let’s get together. Let’s see how we can help you, you know, shift and redirect and how can we uplift you. How can we bully proof you so that you can live the life that you’ve always wanted to instead of just dragging through your days. Let’s thrive instead of just survive.
Emmalou Penrod
And and that’s a generous offer. Jeannie, thank you for making it. I’ve done coaching with Jeanie and I know she is on point.
Jeanie Cisco-Meth
Thank you. Thank you.
Emmalou Penrod
Well Jeanie, thank you so much.
Jeanie Cisco-Meth
Absolutely. I’ve loved being here, Emmalou. Thank you. It’s great to see you again.
Emmalou Penrod
And you have a great day!
Jeanie Cisco-Meth
I will, you too.