Guess Whose Turn It Is With Darrell Horwitz

 

The only way you fail is if you don’t try because only then can your negatives be turned into positives. This is the lesson motivational speaker and author, Darrell Horwitz, shares in his book, Guess Whose Turn It Is. Growing up on a sheltered household, he had a lot of anxieties that carried over to his adult life. Through a series of stories, Darrell teaches us that facing your fears head-on will help you overcome them. What is more, he offers some tips on how to live a healthier and fuller life for ourselves and our children.

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Guess Whose Turn It Is With Darrell Horwitz

My guest is Darrell Horwitz who is a motivational speaker and author of the book, Guess Whose Turn It Is. I’m fascinated with his topic and anxious to hear more about the book. My husband and I did a show about the experience we had with our grandchildren. It caused me to reflect on finding that appropriate boundary between being cautious taking good care of children, but not so cautious that you end up denying them some learning and growth experiences. Darrell, thank you for joining us.

It’s my pleasure, Emmalou. Would you like to hear my story?

I would love to hear your take on that fine line.

I grew up in a different time. I don’t think the world was quite the way it is right now but yet my mother was protective of me. She had seen her younger brother get hit by a bus when she was growing up. I had known her younger brother and there never seemed to be anything wrong with him. If he did get hit by the bus, it must have been minimal. For whatever reason, that did something to my mother. It made her overprotective of me growing up. I was with her morning, noon, and night. She watched me all the time. She would walk me to school and pick me up from school. She’d watch me when I’m playing across the street. We lived right across the street from the school. I would play baseball, basketball, and other sports there. She’d always be watching me.

Other kids would see it, too. Unfortunately, kids could be cruel and you hear the term mama’s boy. They might slam you into a locker or do other things that kids do to pick on kids when they’re different, whether it’s something they did or in my case, how I was brought up. It did affect me. It’s something that I had to deal with and it was also something I had no control over. There was nothing I could do about it. I never learned how to swim because my mother was afraid I would drown. I never learned how to ride a bike until I was twenty years old because I might get hit by a car. If we were walking and my mother saw a dog, she would pull me away because a dog would bite us. What I grew up with is, anything you could be afraid of, be afraid.

She passed that fear on to you.

That was ingrained into my head.

I can see that had a huge impact not only on what you did but also on how you felt about yourself.

I didn’t feel great about myself growing up. I wasn’t happy with my childhood. A lot of times, you hear people say things like, “My childhood was for the best years of my life.” That wasn’t my case. I used to think back in the day, “If these are the best years of my life, then what do I have to look forward to?”

You overcame this. You’ve had some amazing accomplishments in your life. As an adult now, I want to hear about that journey.

Every 'no' means you are one step closer to a 'yes'. Click To Tweet

I grew up shy and quiet. I was afraid of a lot of everything. I changed completely in all aspects. Back in the day, doctors used to make house calls. When I was sick, my parents would call the doctor. I knew I was going to get a shot in my derrière, so to speak. I didn’t like needles. I was afraid of them. I would crawl under the bed and hide when the doctor came over so he couldn’t give me that shot that I was afraid of. They always managed to get me out from under the bed and I got that shot. I grew up afraid of needles. Back in 2008, I ended up getting sick. I started getting pain in my lower back area. It wasn’t back pain though and they didn’t know what it was. They did all kinds of tests and I was constantly getting shots. I hate shots.

You still don’t like them?

I don’t like them. They’re trying to find out what’s wrong with me by doing all these tests. I know when the nurse would be giving me a shot. I remember one time, they had a clown picture up there and I’d be like a kid. I’d be staring at the clock and going, “Look at the clown” I’m trying to do anything but look at the nurse putting the needle into my arm that I was terrified of it. A lot of people are afraid of clowns and you’re thinking, “Why do you have a clown’s picture up there?” That’s another story.

Another thought that occurs to me is that if some children have that restrictive upbringing, they will rebel. 

I did that. Let me tell you how I overcame the fear of the needle. What I thought is, “I’m going to be having all these blood tests all the time. They’re putting needles in my arm. I could either be terrified of it all the time or I could take that fear away. I could take power away from that needle because the needle had power over me.” What I started to do when they would draw the blood, instead of looking away and hiding my eyes, I would stare right at them. When they’re putting the needle in my arm, I will watch it the entire time. That took the power of the needle away from me and the fear of it. It doesn’t mean I liked it, but the fear was gone at that point. I’m not afraid of needles anymore.

I love that thought that you took the power of the needle away because anything you’re afraid of has power over you. Rather than trying to avoid it, you confronted it. You take it straight on. That’s great.

That’s from what I have learned throughout my life and all the challenges I overcame. You mentioned rebelling. The way I was brought up, I wasn’t allowed to do anything until after high school. I’d want to go out with my friends. I remember one time, a couple of my friends came by unexpectedly and said, “Could Darrell come out?” My parents denied me and said I couldn’t. This was at nighttime. I believe it was a school night. I wasn’t able to go out that night. Normally, the only time I could get together with my friends outside of school was on Saturdays. We would go bowling together and one of their fathers would pick me up. My parents could see him pick me up and they would drop me off back home or back where we were meeting at. That’s the only time I was even allowed away from my parents. I spent all summer long with my mother every day and not with my friends unless my friends happen to live on my block. If they don’t live on my block, I can never see them unless they came over.

That was my life growing up. It was sheltered. I didn’t get to experience many things. I didn’t get to make decisions on my own because every decision was made for me. Seemingly, every thought was done for me and I wasn’t able to do any of that. Therefore, I couldn’t grow, learn from my mistakes, and grow up like a normal kid. That’s what I dealt with. After a while, I became rebellious about it. I started to get high after high school for a while. I was messing myself up because what I was looking for was something to make me feel better. It was a temporary fix. When you’re high, you felt better. As soon as you come back down, your normal life was real again. That was the reality, your normal life not getting high.

There was a certain point in my life where I said to myself, “I could be nothing the rest of my life and I blame the way I was raised,” or I could say, “I can’t change anything about that but moving forward, it’s up to me. I could choose which life I want to have. Never have anything and blamed the past. From now on, I’m the one who makes the decisions that move me forward.” Fortunately, that’s the path I decided to take. I was able to overcome quite a bit of my growing up years.

It was a life-changing decision and a pivotal point. From there, what was your life like?

 

I still had a lot of growing to do. In high school, I was shy. I had one date and my one date turned out bad. My mother had the girl’s phone number and she called up the girl’s house asking where her baby was. I don’t know if she used those words, but that’s how it was taken. That’s how word got out at school. I was getting laughed at again for what happened on my one and only date in high school. After high school, I started working for an insurance company called Bankers Life and Casualty. It’s a big insurance company in Chicago at the time. They had a bunch of buildings and they also had a co-ed softball league that I played in because I love sports.

There’s this story published in the Chicken Soup for the Soul: Think Possible edition in 2015 and the story is called The Only Way To Fail Is By Not Trying. I was on second base and somebody got a base hit. I could have scored a run but I thought the girl playing third base was beautiful. I stopped there and tried to talk to her a little bit. I was shy and I wasn’t a smooth talker at the time. We talked for a little bit. The inning ended. I never went looking for her at work. She didn’t work at my building so I never went searching for her. After a few months, I’m no longer working for the company. I’m driving my car one day when suddenly I saw a vision in front of me. Do you know who it was?

It was the girl on third base.

You got it. I couldn’t believe it myself so I called out her name. When she recognized me, she came over and started talking. We were doing a little bit of small talk and I asked her where she was headed to. She was going to meet her mother at Shoal Foods and I said, “Would you like a ride?” It was completely unlike me, it was surprising. What was even more surprising or to was she said, “Sure.” I’m like, “She said yes. She’s in my car. What do I do? I can’t believe she’s in my car.” This is all going through my head. I do not believe it. I’m even staring at her as I’m driving. I can’t believe she’s in my car. I almost hit a car in front of me, close anyway. It was only a six-block ride. It didn’t take that long and so we got there. Any idea what I did at that point?

I would hope to think you got her phone number or made arrangements to see her again. I have a feeling that’s not what happened.

We didn’t get married and live happily ever after because I asked for her phone number. I don’t know what happened. What I do know is I never asked her for her phone number. What I should have said to her was, “It was great seeing you again. Do you think I could call you sometime?” She could have said, “Not if you’re the last guy on the planet,” or, “No, I prefer women.” She could have said, “Here’s my number. Do you want to give me a call?” I never found out the answer and I never saw her again. I don’t even remember her name. The past girl completely changed my life. It bothered me and I thought about going, “Why didn’t I ask her for her number? What’s the worst thing that could happen if I did?”

I ended up writing down on a 3×5 card, “I had the most beautiful woman in the world in my car. All I had to do was ask. From now on, the only way I could fail is if I don’t try.” I put that in my wallet. Every time I was afraid, not just to meet a girl, but to do anything in life, I pulled that out and I read it. It goes, “As long as I try, I can’t fail.” That’s what changed my life. Succeeding was trying. The result didn’t matter, trying did. I could always try. That took away any pressure. I could go after whatever I wanted in life because I knew I couldn’t possibly fail. That’s what allowed me to achieve many things I did. I changed from the way I grew up into the person I became as an adult and the person I am today.

You had a career in the radio and you mentioned the insurance company. Are you in sales?

I ended up leaving them. I ended up getting into automobile sales. I sold cars for a long time. I sold BMWs at my last job. I was a Salesman of the Year a lot of times throughout the years because I got, “Here’s somebody who couldn’t talk. Here’s somebody who was afraid to talk.” I guess I got good at talking.

I would say you did and not being afraid to ask the question. The answer to any question you don’t ask is no so you overcame that.

Don't let somebody stop you from going after what you want in life. Click To Tweet

I overcame that. I’ve done a radio show for several years. It’s a sports radio show on the weekends. It’s mainly talking about Chicago sports or professional teams called Sox, Chicago Bulls, Bears. That’s a passion of mine. I’ve written for all websites and papers regarding sports. I was one of the most commented-on writers on Bleacher Report. I wrote for the Cubs Vine Line Magazine. I was published in Chicken Soup for the Soul and I’ve got another story that’s about to come out in their new edition of Think Positive called Playing All The Angles. It’s about comparing the game of pool to life. When you have obstacles in front of you, whether they’re on the table or they’re in your real life, do you stop and don’t proceed or do you find a way to get around them? I recognized that from playing pool in my building that I moved into. How does it compare to life? That’s what motivated me to write the story. Fortunately, Chicken Soup for the Soul liked it and decided they’re going to publish it.

What I find intriguing is we think of someone who is an expert on sports is someone who grew up playing sports. It sounds like you did that later on.

I didn’t grow up playing sports. I was across the street, either my mother was watching me after work or some days, my father would play with me. If my father was playing with me, my mother didn’t have to watch me. She felt I was okay then. I was technically being watched. One of them was interactive and the other one was being watched.

You were still able to play sports with care.

I could not play Little League because they did use a league ball and I might get hurt with it. I could play with a rubber ball but not the league ball.

There’s a risk when you play sports, but you overcame all of that. Looking forward to that book, Guess Whose Turn It Is, tell us why you wrote that book. What was your intent? What was it that you wanted to share? 

I knew what I grew up with. I knew everything that I had to overcome. I always thought that I could overcome it. Anybody could overcome it. They have to believe they can do it. Maybe if they read a story from somebody else that was able to do it, that would encourage them to find a way to overcome whatever obstacles in front of them, too. That was my thought with that. I had previously written the book without that title. The title was more like, If You Try, You Can’t Fail. I ended up reading a couple of self-help books that were stories and incorporated the lessons in the stories. I found them fun to read and interesting. I liked it and I also found it a challenge for me. I’m good at writing sports. I could write sports in my sleep but writing this was a whole different thing. That was a lot more difficult. What I wanted to do with it is I wanted to make it as easy to read as my articles are when I write sports. No matter how good the book is, if it’s boring and if you don’t want to hear what’s next, you put it down. It’s not going to help anybody.

I wanted to make it where you can’t wait to hear what’s next. It’s interesting and it’s a page-turner. You keep on turning and turning to find out what’s next. That’s what the story about this young girl. She’s college-age. All the things that she had to overcome and some of those things are incorporated in my life or people I know. A lot of times that’s where we go of things we know or things we’ve learned. That’s what I incorporate into the story. I’m hoping that people are going to find it helpful and interesting. It can help them achieve what they want in life like I’ve been able to achieve in mine.

You also offer some valuable tips that anyone can use on how to improve their life and understand. Our readers are mainly parents, but this could apply to anyone. You have five tips that will help anyone improve their lives. If parents use these tips, they can help improve the life of their child, too.

Even if this is for parents, they could pass it on to their children. Children could definitely learn from their parents. A lot of what they learn is from their parents. This is what I’ve learned growing up. Hopefully, other parents could pass this on and help their kids to have the best life they can possibly have.

Life is like a game of pool. When you have obstacles in front of you, do you stop and don't proceed or do you find a way to get around them? Click To Tweet

What’s your first tip?

You mentioned the word no and people getting rejected. I was fearful of getting rejected. Don’t fear rejection and don’t fear the word no. The only way you could fail is if you don’t try. As soon as you tried, you already succeeded. Don’t look at it as rejection and don’t look at the word no as a bad word. This is a thought that could help people not fear the word no. Every time I hear the word no, I’m one closer to yes. I take the way the negative of the word no and make it positive. You can go like, “I’ve got a no. That’s great. I’m one closer to yes.” You change the way you’re thinking about it.

It’s not a rejection, it’s information.

If it encourages you to keep on going forward, to keep on going after what you want, and not letting it stop you, nothing is going to stop you. You’re going to get what you want in life if you keep going after it.

What’s the second tip?

A lot of people don’t even get to the point of rejection or hearing the word no because they care what other people think. Someone tells them they can’t do something, “He told me I couldn’t do that. I’m not going to try to do that because they’re telling me I can’t.” Instead of going for what they want and going after their dreams, they’re letting what other people think to stop them from having a chance to achieve those dreams. I don’t care what others think. I’ll listen to what people say. There might be some valuable feedback there that you could utilize but don’t let somebody stop you from going after what you want in life. Don’t immediately shut things down because they say you’re not going to be able to do that. Think of what we have in this world nowadays. If everybody that’s invented including what we’re on like this computer, when people told them, “You can’t do that.” Would we be communicating this way right now?

Don’t let other people choose for you. What’s your third tip? 

You are what you think. If you think you can’t do something, you’re right. If you think you can do something, you’re also right. You are whatever you think. I’ll give you an example of when I work out. I thought to myself, “I’m going to do this many repetitions of this particular exercise.” When I get to that amount, immediately, I could feel myself. I have nothing left in me. If I say I could do fifteen perfect push-ups, that’s what I’m able to do. When I get to that point, I’m going to conk out. I’ve done a little test a few different times. Maybe more than a few but when I maybe two or three away from the total I had in my mind and I’ll say, “You could do two or three more than that total you told yourself you could do.” When I get to that point where I’m normally going to conk out I’m able to do that two or three more.

You limit yourself by what you think and by what you tell yourself. If you allow yourself to go past that point, you could go wherever you want as long as you don’t limit yourself. Whether it’s doing push-ups or whether it’s trying to achieve whatever you’re trying to achieve in life. Don’t put a limit on yourself. Know that you could always go past that limit that you might have set up for yourself. Whatever you think you can do, you can do it. Don’t stop yourself by thinking you’re not good enough for somebody and you’re not able to do this. Don’t be the person that puts a stop sign up to yourself.

What’s the fourth tip?

 

In anything you do, if you want to be good at it, you’ve got to practice. You see a dance routine in a group of people together where you see how in sync they are. Do you think they walked out there, started dancing and they’re all perfect synchronization? Do you think they practice and practice? When you hear a pianist playing Beethoven, do you think they went out there and hitting two keys? Do you think they spent hours, months, and years of practice to get to that point? Anything you do and anything you want to be successful at, you have to practice. For instance, let’s say I’m successful at talking. I’ve been talking for quite a long time whether it’s in sales and whether it’s on the radio. I’ve been on TV before. By practicing, people might take this the wrong way, but I never think. I’m proud of that. I know when I’m talking and I know whatever I’m going to say is going to turn out okay because I’ve practiced it. I’m used to knowing how to say the right thing.

When I do my radio show and I’m interacting with a guest or my co-host and they’ll put something out there, I immediately have a retort for it. I can’t sit there with dead air time and go, “Um,” and be thinking about it. I have to react immediately. When I was in sales and my customer asked me a question outside of how do you put the engine together and take it apart. I withdraw a blank and I would not have anything to say. If it was any question regarding the cell, I always have an answer for them. Sometimes, I might hesitate and seemingly mull it over. I immediately knew what the answer was because I had done it over and over, and often. There wasn’t anything and anyone could do to stop me. Anything you want to do and anything you want to get good at, you have to practice over and over again. If you could get to the point where you don’t have to think, you’d be good at it.

It’s like tying your shoes or touch-typing.

Whether you believe it or not, many years ago I used to sell ladies’ shoes. I was bad at tying shoes. It was almost embarrassing. People would laugh at me doing it. I was doing the job for a few years and I couldn’t even dice you. I never learned that. I learned it now but I’m still not that good at it. I haven’t practiced enough. That’s the problem. That’s why I wear slip-ons most of the time.

You're going to get what you want in life if you keep going after it. Click To Tweet

What’s the fifth tip?

This is something that parents could tell their kids. A lot of things are difficult for kids growing up nowadays. It’s a different world and you have social media. You have all types of areas where a lot of kids get bullied nowadays. When I experienced it, it was one-on-one and face-to-face. It wasn’t over the internet, computer and all other places that it can be. It’s a different world and it’s difficult for the kids growing up. One of the things parents could instill in their kids is that it’s okay to be different.

You don’t have to be like everyone else. You don’t have to conform to the norm. You are special. You are who you are and be proud of who you are. Don’t be afraid or embarrassed because you’re different. You think, dress, and act differently. It’s okay to be different. I don’t know if I could tell someone that, don’t let what other people say about you, bother you. I know I said don’t care what others think. You could incorporate it into that. Sometimes, for kids, it could be a little more difficult when their peers do things like that to them.

It begins with accepting yourself.

That’s exactly what it is.

You learn to accept yourself even though you felt you were different from the other children when you were growing up.

It is okay to be different. You don’t have to follow the crowd. Maybe I feel different, maybe we’re doing things differently, maybe people want to follow you and you’ll be the one leading the crowd.

A lot of parents worry if their child has ADHD. They’re finding that a lot of your CEOs that it’s an asset having that energy. It can be a benefit.

How many people with disabilities have overcome them and have achieved greatness in whatever field it might be? I was watching America’s Got Talent and the final person they had on was a young man who was born blind. He was also autistic. He played a beautiful piece on the piano along with singing. That was incredible and got the whole audience along with the judges standing up and giving him an ovation. When you look at yourself, when you get down on yourself, when you think, “What was me? Look at all I’ve had to go through. Look at a bad day I had.” Look at other people and the things that they’ve had to live with and they’ve had to overcome. If you can see, if you have your legs, and if you could hear, why don’t you be thankful for everything you do have and not like, “Woe is me. This bad thing happened to me.” This is life. Things are going to happen and you can overcome them. Think of all the good things you have. Think of your blessings rather than what’s wrong. Think of the positives.

In this book, Guess Whose Turn It Is, you’re telling a story. You’re using a story but you’re also interweaving all these lessons you have learned to your life.

I’ve had a lot of life lessons and things that I have overcome.

Readers should watch for your book, Guess Whose Turn It Is. Thank you for sharing your story with us, Darrell.

Thank you for having me. I appreciate it. If I could help one person, that would be great. I’d love to help everyone and anyone I could that will read.

You’ve done a lot of good with your speaking and your writing. Thank you and have a great day.

You too, Emmalou. Take care.

Important Links:

• Darrell Horwitz
• The Only Way To Fail Is By Not Trying – Darrell’s story in Chicken Soup for the Soul: Think Possible Edition
• Playing All The Angles – Darrell’s story in Chicken Soup for the Soul: Think Positive Edition

About Darrell Horwitz

A talented, versatile writer that can go from sports to self-help, along with selling your (business) ideas to the public with a creative vent. With years of sales experience, I can adapt that ability along with my writing skills to make your product stand out.

Over the years, I have interviewed countless professional athletes, along with those that run the organizations. With unique (heightened) listening skills honed though my sales training, I am able to get quotes that create a buzz with my follow-up questions.

My motivational speaking platform launched from the skills I learned in business and in life. I speak your language whether I’m discussing sales techniques to improve your bottom line to overcoming obstacles holding you back from achieving your dreams.

Creativity is my forte. So if you want out-of-the-box thinking, I can help. I invented “beyond fresh” to replace out-of-the-box as a dated cliche’. Let me help you with fresh ideas that get noticed.