Wouldn’t it be easier for all parents if there was a step-by-step procedure on how to be effective parents? Tough luck though because there is none, but what we have are the experiences of the parents before us. One particular parent effectively did this through parenting with storytelling. Her name is Ramona Moore Big Eagle. Ramona is a TED Talk speaker and an award-winning and internationally-renowned motivational speaker, storyteller, cultural educator, consultant, and workshop facilitator. Today, she shares not only how she was raised, but also how she raised kids of her own with this method. She expounds on the importance and benefits of stories in parenting and, on a bigger scale, our lives along with the people around us.
Parenting With Storytelling With Ramona Moore Big Eagle
My guest is Ramona Moore Big Eagle. She is an award-winning and internationally-renowned motivational speaker, storyteller, cultural educator, consultant and workshop facilitator. You were also a TED Talk speaker. Tell us about that.
That was exciting. One of the funny things was it required many technologies with apps and websites. I had a learning curve with that. It wasn’t even anything I sought at and I didn’t apply for that. I was selected. When I got the email asking me to do the TED Talk, I thought it was joke. The year before when I was at TED Talk here in Charlotte, I said to a co-professor at the university, “Next year, I will be on the TED stage and I’ll be making a TED Talk.” When I got the email, I thought it was a joke from him. He had put someone up to sending me that email. I ignored that and didn’t even reply to it. The curator from TED Talk called me and I said, “Is this real?” That was a wonderful experience and I loved it.
I don’t think it was out of the blue. You had already done some public speaking and already was well-established as a storyteller.
This is true. That’s how she found me. Everyone said, “How did you do that?” I say, “It was my first question too. How did you select me to do this?” She said, “I was online, I saw your picture and I saw many of your speeches.” That was one of the things she had sent in the email which made me think that it wasn’t real because I don’t do speeches. I talk. I’m a motivational speaker and storyteller, so it’s not just speeches, they are stories. When she said, “I saw your speeches online. I love them and you would definitely be an asset for TED Talk,” that’s what made me think it wasn’t real because she said speeches and I do storytelling. I’ve been doing storytelling all my life. I’ve been doing it professionally for over 30 years.
How did you get started?
Storytelling is the most powerful thing on this planet. Share on XIt got started as a way of life. My mother, father, chief and clan mothers, everyone from my reservation and everyone in my family always tell stories. It wasn’t anything “special,” it’s just what everyone did. My dad was prolific storyteller as well as my mom. My mom was a teacher and my dad was a business owner. My daddy would close his business every day at 6:00 and come home to a nice home-cooked meal by my mother. That was our favorite time of day, not just because my mom had home-cooked meals which were very good, but because my dad was a storyteller. He would tell us a story every day at dinner. It was me, my brother, my mom and dad. He would always tell us a story and the stories were always the best stories in the world, at least that’s what we thought as we were growing up. I didn’t ever set out to be a storyteller, I just listened to his stories. The stories that I tell in my programs are stories that I grew up hearing from my mom, my dad especially, my chief, clan mothers and elders from our reservation or elders from all over the world.
In your business, you are emphasizing improving your communication through storytelling. I gather that the stories weren’t just for entertainment. Are they also instructional?
Yes. That’s one of the wonderful things about storytelling. Storytelling is the most powerful thing on this planet. You can reduce it down to how words are the most powerful thing on this planet and stories are made up of words. Through the power of words and through the power of storytelling, you build bridges between communities, cultures, you affect people and you affect their heart. When you touch a person’s heart, you touch the essence of them. Everything revolves around people’s emotions, their heart. That’s one of the reasons my storytelling is powerful.
I know you’ve used this in speaking in front of corporations.
Yes, I have. The majority of my work is done with corporations and schools from pre-school all the way through university. I worked with a lot of corporations such as Boeing, EPA, Intel Corporation, all the major banks and every corporation you can think of. I’ve worked with them in the past down through 30 plus years in helping them to improve their communication. Most corporations hire me either to improve their communication when it comes to telling their company story, their organization story if it’s a non-profit or in their communication with their employees. Also, in communicating that company’s values, mission and goals. What they all know is that if they can get their employees to share the same goals, values and have the same mission that the CEO has, then everything would run smoother. Their goals are accomplished and the culture that they built in that organization is better.
It has been my observation that when you believe in what you’re doing, that’s better than a pay raise. I’ve seen employees who will take a cut and pay even, but they have that commitment. They see that vision.
It’s because of the story that was told to them. It’s because of the story like, “I work with an organization as a volunteer.” Everyone is always amazed that number one, how many volunteers this organization has, and I’m talking about thousands of volunteers. They are amazed at the enthusiasm, heart, drive and passion that all of us, volunteers have. I know that as a communicator, it’s because of what was communicated to us that first meeting that each volunteer has. In that meeting, they tell us a story that you have an impact on everyone that drives to this location. You never know whether this is that person’s day, the day that changes their life. From the parking lot to the minute they sit down and all in between, you make the difference. When you tell a group a story like that, they can’t help but be passionate and enthusiastic about it because they know that that person’s experience lies with them. We take it personally and that’s how it is. That’s how cultures are built by someone taking ownership of the story that is told to them from the CEO, founder or trainer.
I have worked for different employers. When I worked for one who has a vision of what they want and they can share that, it’s a rewarding experience. You are talking about companies but this applies to families too.
This applies to individuals, families and to everyone. From age two, when people first start talking to 102 and beyond. Everyone tells stories. They don’t think of it as stories, but anytime you walk into the office on Monday and they say, “How is your weekend?” That person begins to tell them the story of what their weekend was like. Stories are integral in every communication every time.
It could be a story of gratitude and appreciation or it could be a story of negativity. We decide. We want to provide the most useful information for parents and I understand you have four tips for parents.
It’s the little and small things that make a difference in a person’s day. Share on XTips for parenting with storytelling. One of the first tips I have is that you should redeem the time. Parents need to realize at the beginning, not twenty years later, that number one, they only had their children for eighteen years. Those eighteen years go fast. In the mists of it, when you are going through that diapering stage and learning to walk, talk and feeding, you might think and feel that it will last forever. They may become teenagers and you might feel like, “When are they ever going to grow up?” We always say, “I can’t wait until they start walking.” When they start walking, “I wish they’d slow down.” “I can’t wait until they become teenagers and get older.”
When they become teenagers, you realize how fast time has gone. Intentionally, redeem the time. Know that the time that you have with your children is short in the whole magnitude of their life and their age. I’m 65 and my parents had me in their home for eighteen years of these 65 years I’ve lived. It’s such a short time even though it didn’t seem like at that time. You want to make sure as a parent that you redeem the time. You want to make sure that you were spending quality time with your children even if it’s only five minutes in the morning and maybe 30 minutes at home in the afternoon. You want to redeem the time by making it quality time. How do you make it quality time? By letting that child know that you love him and you’re glad that they are your child. Out of all the children you could have had, you are glad that they are the children you had.
You value them, that you think they are smart, wonderful, witty, creative, they can do whatever they put their mind to, and whatever they put their hand and their heart to. Express confidence in them so they will also have confidence in themselves. That’s the first step, redeem the time. Make sure you’re spending quality time with your children. The second one, one of the ways you redeem the time and spending quality time is by telling stories to your children, intentionally. Stories about how you grew up, stories about as simple as what your day was like today. What was one of the best things that happened to you that day, and what you are grateful for that day. That can become a daily ritual, something I’m grateful for today and you say, “I’m grateful for the wind.” You talk about how the air was still and it was hot, but then all of a sudden a cool breeze came through. You felt it out your cheek, through your hair and throughout your body.
That five minutes of a cool breeze made you thankful that we have wind. Sharing something grateful like that with a child shows them how it’s not just the big things that you can be grateful for. It’s the little and small things that make a difference in a person’s day. That’s another example of how you can redeem the time by telling stories. A lot of people feel like, “I don’t know stories. I can’t tell a story.” One of the things that you can always do is tell an Aesop’s fable. There are over 100 of it. Most people are familiar with the twenty that they see in a book, but any book of Aesop’s fables are good because these are fables, little short stories. In the written form, they are only one paragraph. You can tell an Aesop’s fables as quick as one or two minutes so you can spread it out over five, ten or fifteen minutes, whatever suites your purpose in your need.
Didn’t your father use those fables to teach you and your brother lessons.
Some of them were Aesop’s fables. The story about the contest between the wind and the sun, that’s an Aesop’s fable. That story he used to point out that you’ll get more out of people and get more out of kindness than out of harshness, out of blowing up. If you’re sweet, smile and shine as the sun did, you will get better results. He uses Aesop’s fables and then stories that he made up. My dad would tell us some fantastic stories. He would also tell us legends and different stories from our culture and stories from all over the world.
A lot of times my brother and I was, “Is that real? Is that true?” Sometimes, my dad will put a smile and a twinkle in his eye and would say, “It’s true. I just made it up a few minutes ago.” Sometimes, with seriousness in his smile and his voice, he would say, “In every story, there is a bit of truth. You have to decide what’s true for you.” He always managed to teach us life lessons through the stories that he told. For instance, he would tell us the story about Bear and Chipmunk. The whole lesson of that story was don’t brag, don’t’ tease others and things like that. If he saw us bragging or teasing each other, instead of going through, “Don’t do that. You know you shouldn’t do that.” My dad would look at us and say, “Remember what happened to Chipmunk?” That was all that he had to say because that right there would immediately give us the life lessons. It showed us the consequences of bragging and teasing. It showed us the value of treating others the way you wanted them to treat you. All that came out in saying those words.
Every child would rather hear a story than scolding.
That’s true. That should be a nightly or morning routine with parents. The parents read to their children and they tell their children stories. My fondest times of my mom and dad were being cuddled in their arms, listening to them read to me or listening to them telling me a story. My fondest memories are made up of those times. It will be the same way for your children, too if you intentionally tell them stories.
It creates a bond between you and your child. I love it.
In every story, there is a bit of truth. You have to decide what’s true for you. Share on XIt goes into my third point, start when they are young. If you start when they are young telling them stories and reading to them, not only do you build up literacy in your children which is important. I know it was important to me. Not only do you build up a love of reading and a love of knowledge in storytelling, but it builds a bond between them. They can never be broken. It’s too late to try to build a bond between you and your child when they are a teenager and you suspect that they might be leaning towards drugs. You want to build that bond beforehand. If anything negative happens, they feel close enough to you and they feel free to come to you knowing that you’re not going to reject them. Also, knowing that you’re not going to be negative, but that you could have a listening, loving ear. Make sure that you start while they are young and while they are just babies. Loving them, holding them, telling them stories, praying for them and praying with them.
It leads to the last point, love them and pray for them. Show it. Let your children hear you praying for them. I can remember hearing my mother pray for me and my dad pray as I was growing up. My children grew up hearing me praying for them and hearing me as I was with them praying with them. That’s important. That’s one of the ways you show them love. Children spell love as time that you spend with them. It’s showing them that you love them, praying with them, loving them and accepting them for who they are. It doesn’t mean that you want them to stay where they are. You want them to improve, but you love them where they are as they grow.
I’m admiring the books there behind you.
That’s one of the 30-some bookcases in my house. I live in a house with a personal library of over 30,000 books. It started when I was in second grade. My parents took me to the Biltmore house. I saw the Biltmore Library, and to be honest with you, I don’t remember any other room in that huge mansion, but the library. When I saw that library, I was already an avid reader. My mom taught me to read when I was four and they had lots of books for me at home. When I saw that library, I said, “When I grow up, I’m going to live in a house that has at least 10,000 books like this library.” Indeed, when I went home the first book I saw was The Big Jump and Other Stories, Dr. Seuss for Early Readers. I said, “This book starts my 10,000-book library.” I went on to save every book that I had and up to this day, I still read every day. I make time for reading and it’s easy to do when you purposely do not have a TV in your house, which I don’t. I make time to read every day. I have over 30,000 books in my house and I raised my children without a TV. They also grew up loving storytelling, loving to read and loving spending time with me because they can’t spend it with the TV.
What a legacy you’ve left, not only for your children, but it has also gone on down to your grandchildren.
I have three children and I have eight grandchildren from those three children. I have three grandchildren from Florida that spend every summer with me. The first time they came was funny. Their mom had purposely not told them. When they came, the first thing they do is, “Can we use the telephone?” They get on the telephone and they said, “You didn’t tell us she didn’t have a TV.” That was a shock needless to say to all three of them. They have survived the summer without a TV. They learned like my children did to do things. Instead of sitting passively in front of a TV, we get out and we did things. We camped, we went canoeing, kayaking. We did things. We went to parks and museums. They look forward to coming back every summer and they read a lot because that’s one of the main things here in this household. We take time to read.
I love what you are doing and improving communication through storytelling. We tell stories to ourselves. We have that self-talk in our heads.
Your self-talk is a story that you are telling to yourself. Those words make up stories. It is important that you intentionally tell yourself the right stories. You want to tell yourself, “I can do this. Nothing is impossible to me. If I can dream it, I can achieve it. If I can speak it, I can achieve it.” Speaking the right words to yourself, “I’m a winner.” Those things as opposed to negative things will take you towards your destiny because your words have the power to manifest what you were saying. It’s important that our self-talk or stories that we tell ourselves as well as our children and others are positive. They are encouraging and they build someone up instead of tearing someone down.
Your words manifested your 30,000-book library.
My library, my home is living proof that you can have what you say. I said in second grade, when I only have about 100 books and I was going to live in a house that had at least 10,000. After 10,000, I was so hooked on books and reading at that, “What’s another 10,000?” I’ve had to move twice because of the number of books in my house. My library collection outgrew the house and I had to move.
Children spell love as time that you spend with them. Share on XRamona, that is wonderful. Thank you for joining us and for your words of wisdom. I love those four tips. It’s effective.
Thank you. I’ve enjoyed being here and I want to thank you for inviting me here. I thank the work that you do in supporting parents. The education is wonderful. One of the things I know is that you used to home school your children?
Yes.
I did too. I homeschooled my children because I wanted to shape their world with the values that I have and not the values of anyone else. I homeschooled my children also and then I sent them to a private school that was in line with what I believe. It’s important as parents that we design our children’s environment.
I agree with that. Thank you.
Thank you for having me and continue on with the good work that you’re doing, too.
Important Links:
- Ramona Moore Big Eagle
- TED Talk – Ramona’s TED Talk
- The Big Jump And Other Stories
About Ramona Moore Big Eagle
Ramona Moore Big Eagle, award winning and internationally renowned motivational speaker, storyteller, cultural educator, consultant, workshop facilitator, and Ted Talk Speaker, offers parents 4 tips for more effective communication with their children.