Most parents recognize from the moment they first see their child or hold him or her in their arms that there is no other child in the world like theirs. Parents with more than one child know that, even with the identical gene pool, each one of their children is unique. Each child comes with one of a kind DNA, personality, thinking patterns and emotional responses.
Some children come with unique challenges–a differently wired brain, heightened sensitivity to sights and sounds, struggles with reading or math. They require more intensive care, supervision and expense than their neurotypical siblings, but they have their own unique talents and strengths. Though we love all of our children equally, we cannot treat them identically. Parents soon discover that the parenting technique that proved so effective with one child, simply doesn’t work with another. Children, like adults, are individuals and must be treated as such.
Sometimes we worry about what is normal for our child. It may be more accurate to use the term mainstream, meaning what is common among most children. Some children are very active, loud and energetic. Others are at the other extreme in being shy, quiet and reserved, maybe even fearful. If we approach parenting with the expectation that our children will behave as we did or conform to a certain standard of behavior, then we brand any behavior outside that range as problematic or “not normal.” This is not only inaccurate, but unfair to our children. It is vital to a child’s emotional well being to feel loved and accepted by their parents. The most helpful mindset is to assume that each child is doing the best they can. Some children will need more support and supervision than others. The amount of support that is “normal” is whatever is required to meet the child’s individual needs. I am convinced that the only meaningful definition for “normal” is a setting on a washing machine.
This applies to learning style as well. Some children learn best through pictures and diagrams or visually. Others learn more by hearing or auditory processes. Many children learn best by doing hands-on or tactile activities. Give them the materials and some instruction and let them discover on their own. Most children will thrive in a traditional public school and enjoy the experience. Some will be traumatized and unable to function in that setting. There is no right or wrong way to learn. The challenge is to identify your child’s unique learning style and ensure it is used in their educational experience.
Parenting Activity: Discreetly interview your child to demonstrate that you care about them and want to get to know them better. Talk about their favorite things, their greatest fears, their goals, how they feel about themselves, other people, and their philosophy of life. Keep asking questions until you learn at least one new thing about your child. End by thanking them for their time.